milestone checkpoint: 5 published games

I have a mid-career crisis with my boardgame designing and publishing business, not unlike mis-life crises people have. What am I doing? Where am I going with this? What do I want to achieve with this? I've had this discussion with myself many times, and I thought I had my conclusions. But then I started asking myself the same questions again. 

The most recent recurrence of self-doubt was triggered by something which should be good news. I need to reprint Snow White and the Eleven Dwarfs because I'm running out of stock. Wisebox from Thailand bought all the remaining stock I brought to the Asian Board Game Festival in Penang back in July. It seems Snow White is well received in Thailand. The game is not selling all that fast in Malaysia. I only printed 500 copies. I'm running out of stock now partly because I still have stock on consignment with some of the bigger retailers like Book Xcess, Kinokuniya and MPH Bookstores. I have not actually sold these copies. All this while I have been planning to let this game go out-of-print once I sell my print run. And then Thailand gave me hope. In the grand scheme of things, 500 copies is a tiny print run. A proper game publishing business cannot live on such small print runs. If I am serious about running this as a business, I need to commit more effort to market my games. I ask myself, is Snow White a product that can only sell 500 copies? If it is only good enough for that, then I shouldn't reprint it. But what if the problem is me not being committed enough to properly market it? 

When I think about printing another 1000 copies of Snow White, I suddenly feel tired, even before the battle is joined. How am I going to sell these 1000 copies of the game? How long will it take? I feel I should reprint it. If I'm serious about this business, I need to muster the grit to do this. I need to work harder to get exposure for Snow White. Yet I have a nagging feeling that in my heart I don't really want to be a publisher. I just want to be a designer. This was one conclusion I have given myself before in one of my previous soul-searching episodes. 

Another recent trigger that made me question myself was Rebels of the Three Kingdoms getting a publication opportunity. There is a publisher interested, and this is the second publisher the game has attracted. Based on my previous conclusion and the direction I had set for myself, I should just say yes. I have told myself that getting more of my games published is more important that building the Cili Padi Games brand. Yet I hesitate. Rebels of the Three Kingdoms was going to be my game publishing project for 2026. If I license it to another publisher, what game will I publish next year? I don't have a suitable candidate now. Cili Padi Games publishes small card games in a particular style, and at the moment I don't have something else that fits in its product line. I suddenly have a fear, an emptiness, for not having a game scheduled for Cili Padi Games next year. 

When my brain tells me something, but my guts tell me something else, it means I need to look in the mirror and rethink. 

What's the Goal?

In my full-time business being a leadership trainer, one framework I teach is called OTJM, which means Objective, Target Audience, Job to be Done, and Measure. It is a tool to help you do your work right, and to make sure projects stay on course and achieve their goals. One Objective I have given myself before was I want to let more Malaysians know about boardgames, and enjoy boardgames. I have gained much happiness through boardgames. I made wonderful memories with family and friends. In Malaysia the awareness about modern boardgames is low. So I want to spread the love. 

At one point, this was the conclusion I arrived at. I do think boardgames can help children learn. It makes happy families. It develops communication skills and empathy. It is a medium for people to make connections. Boardgames bring a human touch to how we entertain ourselves. Senior citizens can play to stay mentally active. The list of why boardgames are good goes on and on. Sometimes I just go back to a simple fact - boardgames is something that brings joy. 

But maybe I am not as altruistic or idealistic as I thought. One thing I realise is when I tell myself to pick a goal, I subconsciously shy away from declaring I want to make money, like it's a dirty word. 

About Money

Money should not be a dirty word. I know it's hard to make a living out of boardgames. In Malaysia only some retailers and boardgame cafe owners and operators manage it. Very few game designers and publishers manage this. Most of us have other full-time jobs. Society and culture sometimes make us think that wanting to make money is bad or shameful. When I consider my possible goals for running a boardgame business, money is always listed as an option, but it sits in a dark corner and I only occasionally poke it with a ten-foot pole. 

I realise money as a goal is more nuanced topic than how I think of it. I have oversimplified it. Since getting into publishing, I've always told myself to be financially responsible. This should not be an ego-stroking exercise. I must not burn money and end up with hundreds of unsellable products at home. This is going to be a proper business, that makes games truly worth publishing, and I am going to put in effort to market these games. I will be spending money, so I cannot ignore money. Don't burn money. 

Money as a goal comes in different forms. It can be as simple as treating my boardgame business as a hobby that doesn't cost me too much money. Creating games and getting them to people who like them can be a hobby. I can just aim to break even financially, and what I get from this hobby is the joy of making games, and the satisfaction of bringing happiness to people. 

Alternatively I can aim to build a stable side income from my boardgame business. Maybe I'll eventually become a pure game designer working with multiple publishers, and if my games do reasonably well, I'll get some stable royalty income. Not enough to feed me maybe. Just some pocket money. Maybe it can be a passive income for when, or if, I retire. 

I can also aim to build a business that will eventually feed my family. Not immediately or any time soon, but if that's the long-term objective, my decisions today will be geared towards this end goal. 

Now that I break down the money goal, I realise it's a question I must answer. And my answer is A. Just don't burn money. Enjoy your hobby responsibly. Maybe one day it will offer me opportunities to make more money, but I'll leave that mid-career crisis for another time. 

Being Honest

If my goal is to help more Malaysians learn about and enjoy boardgames, there are many ways other than being a designer and publisher. I should be going to non-boardgame events because most people at boardgame events are already converts. I can start a TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Red Note (小红书) or YouTube channel. I'm already blogging, but blogging may not be an effective way to reach out to a large number of non-gamers. I should make mass market games and find channels to reach out to non-gamers. In fact, I have been exploring this. I chose to publish Pinocchio because it is simple. I price it so that non-gamers will be more willing to try it. There are enough retailers in Malaysia, so it's not something I should go into. Parents now worry about their kids being glued to phones and devices. Tabletop games can attract parents with this as a hook - get your kids off devices, and spend quality time as a family. 

I now come to a realisation that I don't need a noble cause. I should be honest with myself. I don't have to force myself to have a lofty goal. I don't need to impress anyone. Yes it will be nice to introduce the joy and wonder of boardgames to others, but I don't necessarily have to make it my job. It can be a by-product of what I do. 

I'm just doing something which makes me happy. I've been happily playing games and blogging for 20 years. Creating games and sharing them with people is an extension of that. It makes me happy to create a good game. I don't necessarily have to make Malaysia proud. It makes me happy to have created something that I can leave behind and be proud of. 

When I started publishing my first game, I said I would do a checkpoint by the time I have five published games. My fifth game is Malaysian Holidays, on track to be released before the end of this year by Specky Studio, who published My Rainforest, Jom Burger and Durian Runtuh. I have been reflecting on my goals and plans well before this checkpoint. I now think I need not worry too much about what I might achieve in 10 years, or even 5 years. Now my goal is just to create some good games while not burning money. If this helps in achieving the other more noble goals, that's a bonus. I will focus on doing today the right things which will push me in the right direction. I may or may not reach some of those bigger goals, but I will be placed somewhere I am happy and also most probably nearer to what I might decide to achieve later, when I have my next self-reflection episode. 

One of the cards in Malaysian Holidays

Yes, I will reprint Snow White. It may take a while to sell, but I shall be patient, and I shall make more efforts to market it. This applies to my other game titles too. If I want to make games people will play, I should aim for bigger print runs. Also most likely I will license Rebels of the Three Kingdoms to the publisher who believes in it and wants to publish it. My goal is to get more games out, not to become a publisher. In the mean time I need to continue to work on my game design projects. Maybe I will later have one ready for the Cili Padi Games product line in 2026.